The process of letting go

Although I have tried to not judge others in my life. I realize that there is a time to have opinions of a person's character. This is judging them on their behavior and how they treat others. You can be poor, rich, middle eastern, Asian, happy, sad, religious, atheist, and I will not think less of you for these things. (At least I try very hard not to, and am self aware when I do, I certainly would not dislike you as a person.) Behavior is something you can control (unless you are mentally ill, then you need professional help)and I expect the people I let into my life to carry themselves to a certain standard in this world.

Recent events have made me look carefully at my friends, my family, those that I have let share a part of my life, that I have taken into my heart- scrutinizing why they are there. If I respect these people. If I want to be like these people. Because, mom is right, you will become who your friends are. Do I want to be like these people? Someone them, YES, I aspire to be like them. I respect them and even acknowledging their faults, I hold them in high esteem. Others.....why? Oh Why are they still in my life? They are like a cancer, and not benign. In the next few weeks I will be doing a very difficult thing and letting those people who I don't want in my life go. In the age of Facebook it doesn't make it easy to do. Defriending someone is like a big f you. Plus, don't even the people you don't care for deserve some explanation of why you feel it necessary to not have them in your life? These are people, thankfully, that are on the peripheral of my life. Unfortunately, some of those people are family members. It is not hate thing...I don't think...the thought of them does make me physically ill....not angry, but ill....haven't figured that out yet. How to do this with class is the issue. I'm sure that writing a blog about it lack class. So I am already failing in that department. So maybe not class, but to be honest without hurting someone. IS that even possible? They say the truth hurts, and it can. However, I would want to know why someone doesn't want me in their life. It is like a break-up. If you just stop answering the phone there is not closure. You are left wondering if they are just busy or are they not that into me. Everyone deserves an explanation. *Deep breath* I pride myself on my honesty, now it is actually time to prove to myself that I am an honest person. My mom was always good about diplomacy. I got her honesty, but lack her tact. Maybe it is time to call mom for some advice.

Making the world a more loving place

I went in the other day for a blood draw (everything on the cancer front is still thumbs up) and I got to see my favorite phlebotomist. She told me she is retiring in a few weeks and that her and her husband are moving to a lake house they just purchased. I told her congratulations and that will be great to live on a lake since she is a kayaker. She was surprised that I remembered such a detail about her life. It made her happy that I cared enough to remember. That got me thinking....how often do we treat people like people and not objects? How often do we stop thinking about ourselves long enough to think of people as fellow humans?

The people ahead of us in line at the grocery store, or the car in front of us that is going insanely slow and has had their turn signal on the past 3 miles we see as obstacles to us getting somewhere. That last one is the hardest for me. We see them as people we would rather not interact with. Try to smile at people, talk to people that you wouldn't normally interact with. Help people you don't know. Practice patience. (of course do this with people you do know also). There is no point being rude to the telemarketer that interrupted your dinner. You can be pleasant and tell still tell them no. They are just doing their job. Be happy that it not your job!

If you want the world to be a friendlier place, start being friendlier. A smile may change someones day. If you see a person often, like the cashier at the store, chat, share, smile, and remember them. Nothing makes someone feel more important then you remembering a small detail about them. Don't ignore people, even if they make you uncomfortable.

I am going to work on my road rage. Not really rage though, more of a constant annoyed state while I am driving. The person who cuts me off, or driving 20 in a 40, or or or..... I am not changing reality by being annoyed. I am just causing myself stress. Instead of being irritated and dropping the f-bomb,(constantly) I am going to make a real effort to give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they are in an unfamiliar area of the city. Perhaps they just had a fight with their spouse, or rushing to see a family member in the hospital. Etc. Also, I am going to smile more. It helps me and the rest of the world.

make the world better by food food glorious food

It is Costco shopping time of the month.

I like to know what I need and it helps me to not over buy when I clean out my fridge, freezer and take stock of what is in my pantry before hand. I usually try to take a quick glance at my food stores every week before I go grocery shopping, but as I discovered I have not been faithful about this. I am disappointed in myself. I loathe throwing food out. I understand not only the monetary value of the food, but also the resources that have gone into getting it to my house. As I cleaned out the expired salad dressings and slimey peppers from the back of the fridge and was scrubbing the drawers and shelves I told myself that I will not let this happen again. It had been a long time since I had to throw food out and I got lazy with checking.

My fridge is now clean and organized, as well as my freezer. I have the frozen food stacked by expiration date as I will use the ones that will expire sooner first. (thankfuly nothing in my freezer needed to be chucked)My shopping trip to Costco was successful. They had my favorite bars there again (Mrs. Maya's Trio Bars)

Goal: Make the world a better place by not overbuying and underusing the food that I have purchased. How? By being attentive and organized and appreciative.

Be the change....

Wanting to change the world.
All of us want to change the world is some way or another. The frustrating thing is how do we live our lives in harmony with our convictions?
Over the next few weeks, months, years and for the rest of my life I am going to strive to make a difference. Even if that difference is one person. One person matters.

I will use my blog to share my experiences (challenges, triumphs, and frustrations) with you and to keep myself honest about what I am doing and why.

I have already made many personal lifestyle choices over the past year. One is I became a vegetarian last summer. *insert gasps here* I have had a great dislike about eating something that was once a living being for as long as I can remember. Some life that was slaughtered for my consumption and sometimes went bad in the back of the fridge and I had to throw out. My parents became vegetarian a few years back for health reasons for my father. (My father is on no medication now, has more energy and lost 20 needed pounds, so don’t argue the against the health benefits of this life style to me- read “the China Study”). My cousin Nickey became vegan last year. It was my cousin who inspired me to try to be a vegetarian and my little sister, who was my cheer leader (sister eats meat, but big fan of mine). I gave myself a 3 week challenge do to at my sisters encouragement. Did great! After reading the book “Eating Animals” and the torture and abuse our food, these living creatures endure while living, not to mention while dying, made me decide that this was my life style choice, for life. To bring my life in harmony with my convictions.

Cons to Vegetarian Lifestyle :
Haters.
There are those that have poked fun at me and made points over and over that THEY EAT MEAT that IT IS HEALTHY. At every family gathering a certain unname person, has made a point to say to another family member, “you like meat too? Oh me too? I love meat.” Or to my Dh “YOU are still eating meat, right?” (this is not to find out what to bring either, this is to make a point to me when he has turkey on his plate)or "not eating meat is unhealthy" (I really don't want to get into a food discussion at a family dinner and be the downer on their choices. Why does this family member want to do that? (any advice on how to deal with this is welcomed) I have had friends give me grief about it also. My FB post saying “I cut my finger while making my vegetarian chili and that it isn’t vegetarian anymore because it may have a bit of me in it”, ( yes I can laugh at myself) will get responses from “LOL” to “ I think meat is great. Why don’t you eat meat, it is good for you. God wants us to eat meat.” OR fb status “going to Seattles Vegfest” response “YUK”. I mean really? Besides being a bit rude, what do you have against fruits and veggies. Don’t’ worry though people, momma didn’t raise a quiet girl that shuts up and takes it.

Pros to Vegetarian Lifestyle:
Not killing animals.
Finding out who is really supportive in your life choices. My dh after a bit of an adjustment is very supportive as is my friend Julie, even my coworkers at my place of employment. These are the people in my life who don't have the same views as me. My sister, Natalie, is always giving me new vegan recipes to try. Of course those in my life that are already vegan/vegetarian are happy I have chose this path. Those that seem to be against my life style (that does not harm to others), I have to realize that it probably makes them uncomfortable and perhaps a bit guilty. I realize that I cannot be consumed with their issues and I just fall back on the old “haters are gonna hate.” I do not look down on those that consume animal flesh, it is their personal choice. I do believe that if more people allowed themselves to be educated about the treatment of animals there would be more vegetarians in the world or at least more people cutting down on meat consumed. (but I do tend to think the best of people) Also, the cutting out of unhealthy meat is a BIG plus.

Yes I still salivate when I smell bacon. That hasn’t changed. I still eat dairy, eggs, and other animal products- I’m a work in progress. It is a daily choice. It has to be. It is too big of step not to be chosen each morning. I don’t strive for perfection; I am striving for a better world. Perfection is not an option.

Other change that I have made is in my cleaning products. I have switched most of my products to earth friendly ones, can I just say I LOVE 7th Generation and baking soda is amazing. Even shampoos, body washes, etc. I have been switching out for enviro friendly ones. I still have yet to find a makeup though. Like I said, perfection is impossible to attain and I do the best I can each day. That being said, any recommendations on a makeup would be much appreciated. I still want to look pretty while living my values.

I will be looking for other ways to make a difference, even if it is a small one. The biggest impact I could make is small lifelong changes that I stick to. If I inspire others= even better for the world.

Up next: Community. Volunteering for my son’s schools PTA. They say they need people, I am there.

I never finished blogging my Gratitude Challege...opps

That doesnt' mean I am not grateful. I am so happy to have the life I do. I appreciate coming home to a messy, chaotic house because I would hate to come home to nothing. If the mess and the stress is what is payment for a wonderful healthy family, I will gladly pay that.

This the Big Holidays over and the New Years just days away I am excited for the new adventures 2012 will bring. The house is slowly getting back to it's pre-Holiday state, I am finally getting over being sick for 2 months...darn cold season gave me Whooping Cough, at least that is what the Doctor said, and I am ready to start my Resolutions.

Day 9- Gratitude Challenge

"Enjoy the people around you. Take a moment to appreciate their unique talents, abilities and personalities"

I spend much of my time at work and mostly in the company of 3 amazing women. The all are very unique.

Tara, you have a no nonsense attitude at work, (and that is good because someone has got to!) Outside of work you are the life of the party. You love your social life out of the office and in the office. If you take charge of a social event I KNOW it is going to be a great time!

Misty, you and I are always laughing at something, good or bad, we are laughing. Some of the time in tears we are laughing so hard. If I need help with something at work, I go to you.

Lori, you are fun and bubbly. Your compassion for people is sincere and heart warming. You are a doer, a goer, and I love it!!!

Day 8 Gratitude Challenge.

*opps I didnt post it Monday-it went to draft- opps*

I haven't been great about doing this daily. Most weekends are spent away from the computer and home, and well....I am also forgetful with computer stuff.
I am getting them all done, although not daily. The 21 days of gratitude will take me 42 days.

Today's challenge is to "send thank you notes to five people who deserve a little recognition"

I have so many people that I could thank in my life, but here are just a few that come to mind when I think of my day today.
Warning: one of these could be you and you are going to ruin your card surprise if you read any further.


1.)Julie, you are an incredible friend. You always seem to show up when I need you. I don't even have to ask. I love you and I am so happy that you have come back into my life from childhood friendship. You know who I was, who I am, and believe in who I can be. I can't ask for a better friend.

2.) Brent, You are a great friend and I know that I can count on you if I need you. I know that I could call you if needed and you would be there. You aren't only Gary's friend you are my friend too. Thank you for being such a great and dependable friend.

3.)Colleen, You are an amazing caring woman. You are a great friend and I am so happy that I get to work with you. I love to chat with you whenever we can and catch up on life. I feel that you truly care about me and other people. Thank you for being a calm in the middle of the storm.

4.) Mom and dad, I could never say thank you enough for being great parents. You taught me to have high ideals, and gave me good self esteem. I always felt loved by you and that I was important. One of the best compliments someone can give me is "you are just like your mother." You are also awesome grandparents to all your grand kids, I know that Jonah feel like he is a special kid to you and that you love him. Love you mom!

5.) Doctor Cabellaro, thank you for removing my port today. You were fantastic. I was nervous and your bedside manner was fantastic. You talked with me during the procedure and even let me get my picture taken with the Port once it was removed and I was stitched up. Thank you.

Gratitude Challenge Day 7

"Take a picture of one thing, person, place or specific moment that makes you fell grateful. Share it"



This is one of my favorite pictures of Gary. Our Wedding, outside at Snowy Leavenworth, WA. I am so happy that I was lucky enough to stumble across this guy and that he was excited about me and loves me.

Gary and I have had so many adventures together, both good and bad. I love this guy and I feel fortunate to have him as part of my life. Sharing your life with someone you love makes everyday better.

Gratitude Challenge Day 6

"Take a few minutes to call someone you haven't talked to in a while. Tell them how much you appreciate them"

Called my sister. I love my sister and her kids are my kids best friends.

Gratitude Challenge, Day 5

"Take five minutes to write about how grateful you are for all the wonderful things that you currently have in your life. Don't long for what you don't posess-instead, take stock of all the blessings you already enjoy."

I am thankful that I have a house and and family and enough money to vacation and do fun things that enhance our lifes.

I am thankful that both Gary and I have jobs that work well with having a family.

I am thankful that Gary and I have "us" time at least two weekends a month.

I am thankful our kids are healthy and intelligent and that they all get along so well together.

I am thankful we live in the area we do. We are a 20 minute drive from the city, and major sports teams, zoos, museums, and aquariums, theater, ballet and resturants -we have farmers markets near us and great selections in our grocery stores. We are a few minutes drive from beaches and tide pools and couple hours drive to good surf. I am so thankful to live where I do.

I am thankful that I have a son that is witty. He cracks me up.

I am thankful to be married to a man that I enjoy being with and is my friend.

I am thankful that my parents are so awesome. :) I am thankful my baby sister and I are good friends and that we talk so often.

I am thankful for my friends. They are wonderful, all very different from eachother, but they are all very important to me.

Gratitude Challenge Day 4

I am two days behind on my gratitude challenge. Been having too much fun with my husband this weekend.

So Day 3 "Write a short message of thanks for some of the negative things in your life."

Holy smokes- really?

Thank you cancer(with a little c) I kicked your ass.

Really the two years when I was fighting cancer or having surgery was tough. It was the most difficult time in my life. My cancer was caused by a Molar Pregnancy, Gary and I were trying to have a baby together. Opps- the mole turned to cancer -10% of the time it does. The treatments I started with worked 90% of the time..but not on me. I did get it in the end. After it returned and I did chemo again and decided to have my uterus and an ovary removed. That sucked and accepting that I could no longer have a child with my husband and give my son a blood related sibling was harder than I thought it would be.

Thank you for teaching me to "let go" of things I can not change. And to let go in general. I had some control over my treatment, I have control over my attitude, but I did not have control over that.


Thank you for making me aware of my strength and my will power. The cancer treatment itself made me realize how strong I actually was and I that all my clean living paid off in the end. It encouraged me to be even more aware of what I put in my body.

I also appreciate the energy and strength I am finally getting back. Yay!

Thank you for showing me who I can rely on in my life. All my friends and family had two years to show me that. Those that ignored my condition for whatever reason, I knew that I no longer wished to waste my time on those "friendships". I don't say that with any bitterness or anomosity. It just is and that is okay. Energy and time are priceless to me and I want to spend it on people and things that I matter to and that matter to me.

Thank you for all of the ways I have grown and changed because of the experience.

There are other negative things I could write and write a thanks to, but this is the biggie, so we will leave it at that.

Day 3- Gratitude Challenge

I am suppose to write about something I feel grateful about in my life today. Am I suppose to only pick one thing....
..........okay then, in this moment I am grateful for a quite house and some "me" time. That is not something that happens often. I love being a wife and a mother and having friends to do things with, but I love having quite alone time. Time to gather my thoughts, or work on a project that I have been wanting to.
I have the day to myself today, the house is cleaned and laundry caught up, so I will spend most of my day in the yard, playing in the dirt, not feeling hurried to get anything done, but enjoying the time I have to tend to the earth.

Day 2 Gratitude Challenge - A to Z of Gratitude

Day 2 - A to Z of Gratitude


Art- Art museums, my kids fridge art, music, the ballet. Art is awesome

Books- want to know about something, it is easy, read. I have books on tons of different things…too many books that now I try to just check them out from the library.

Coconuts. Coconut milk, coconut sorbet, coconut meat, coconut martinis, coconut candles and lotion….I love me some coconut.

Dogs, a (wo)mans best friend. River (my dog) is always happy to see me. He is thankful for everything, loves everyone, living in the moment at all times. I can learn much from him.


Emergency services and all those that chose to help others as a profession. Firemen, Policemen, Lifeguards, EMT’s, and ER doctors, etc…

Friends, they make everything a little better, a little funnier, a bit more meaningful. I have a couple great ones in my life.

Gardening. It gets me back to the earth. Digging in the soil, cultivating, and I always have something to show for it, a weed free bed, a flower patch, or fresh vegetables ready to be harvested. It is also a good form of mediation for me..

Hawaii- How could I not feel grateful that such a place exists and I don’t need a passport to go there.

Ice skating at Seattle Center every winter. I love that family tradition.

Jonah- he is the best little guy. I feel lucky to have him.



Kisses.


Library- where else can you borrow a book and the fifth season of Weeds. I can request what I want online and the library sends me an email when it is ready to be picked up. Thank you King County Library!

Marriage. I love coming home to my husband. I love having someone to share my life and my experiences with. Gary is a great husband for me!


New Stuff. Trying it. Being a little frightened at first about making a fool out of myself or not being able to do it at all….and feeling so awesome that I took a chance and had an experience


Ocean, the sea, the salt water, the surf, the smell of the air, the amazing creatures that live there. Where would we be without the ocean.

Parents- I have the best. I didn’t realize how great they were until I grew up and heard stories of others upbringing.

Quilts, or any snuggly blanket really. I get cold and I like the read or watch a movie under a nice warm blanket.

Romance. Not the trashy novel, but real life romance.

Siblings- What would I have done without my sisters growing up.

Tulip festival, it is a tradition for Gary and I, I love it and look forward to it every year.


Uncles and Aunts – and extended family in general. You may not see them very often, but you know they are always there if you need them.

Vacations! Showing the kids there is something besides Disneyland and video games.


Work. I like my work and I feel very fortunate to work with the people I do, doing what I love. Really who doesn’t like a great smile!

Xrays- they have saved my life more than once…

Yoga- it makes me feel better, it is exercise for my body and calms my spirit. I don’t practice nearly as often as I would like, but when I do, my world is better.

Zoo- One of my favorite places.

21 day Gratitude Challenge.

My cousin is doing a gratitude challenge and has challenged others to do it also. I accept. Day one- sign the gratitude pledge. DONE.
Looking forward to looking on the bright side more often.

I Don't Wanna

That's right. I don't want to go in Friday for my Day one of Cycle 3 Chemo. I want to go to the Puyallup fair with the kids. I want to take them to Seattle Pacific Science Center. I want to re-stain my deck and wash the dog and tend the garden and get a pedicure.

Why is this one so hard? Why am a dreading it more than the others? I don't know that answer...but I know that I don't wanna.

I just remember what my mom told me when I was little and had to go to the dentist for fillings. "We all have to do things we don't like, but we have to do them anyway". You're still right mom. I will suck it up.

Maybe I will rent some movies from block busters to watch while I am there. I don't do that very often. That would at least give me something to that I will look forward to.

Gift of Life

Today is my birthday. I am 32. Still in the hospital getting my "nectar of the gods" I believe this is the most I have ever have had spent on me ever in one day. Chemotherapy is expensive. A good birthday present though. The gift of life. I will take it and not complain.

I am happy to report that Dr G came to see me yesterday at the hospital and said that I am responding to the treatment. Better/ faster than she expected. We are still planning all 4 rounds, but will do a CT after round 3, and may not do round 4. I am not getting my hopes up. I am just happy I am responding. There was always that chance that I would not respond. SO YAY.

Called my dad early this morning and told him the good news and he said he would tell mom, as she was still asleep. She called me later and said she was so happy that she had started crying. She didn't realize she was so worried about it. It is funny how we can be strong when we have to and suck it up and when the immediate threat is lifted is the time we break down. I must say I almost started crying too, but I hate to cry at the hospital. I will wait until I am at home being held by Gary to break down.

So glad to be living in a day and age where they can fix so many illnesses. 100 years ago, I would have been a goner. But today, I am a fixer-upper. yay for medicine and technology.

New Hair

Gary bought me a hot wig today. I am done with my pity party....because I am HOT with this on.


Gary made me pose in the garden. I was going to plant some bulbs and we had a fun little photo shoot.



I feel Beautiful.

Summer Cut

My hair started falling out Friday. I redyed it blue, went to a preseason Seahawks game on Saturday, fit in very nicely with the fans.


Now it is Monday, and my hair is falling out by the handful. I have a lovely bald spot. I am going in today to have it shaved. Gary can't come with me this time, he has to work. I have done this before though, and will be alright doing it by myself. Gary did say that he would buy me a new wig. That would be nice. Something new, different, fun. A bit sick of the old wig.

Time for my close shave.....

Leave my cart alone!

Dexamethasone makes me a bitch. It is a steroid and I know what roid rage is now. I knew from my chemo last year that this pill would make me "not nice". And last time I was really "not nice" a lot. But this time around I am able to control it a bit better (for the most part) when it comes to my family....but today at Walmart (yes, I fit in perfectly there today with my white trash rage) I was shopping for plants. I had a bunch of plants in my cart, left it at the end of an aisle and started down to look at another beautiful plant (I was Zen at that moment) And then.... a woman came up to my cart and started one of my plants out.

"Excuse me but that is my cart and my plant, please put it back, NOW"

The startled lady "I was just trying to see how much it was" as she sets in back into my cart from hers. LOL

"It is $5.50 please leave it in my cart, they are at the end of that aisle there. I don't like people taking things out of my cart"

I could have been so much nicer about it....BUT It felt GREAT to yell at someone. It was bottled up inside and had to escape. Poor lady. Bet she thinks twice about messing with someones cart of stuff again.

Poor lady at Walmart. Didn't know what was coming her way when she tried to take my plant out of my cart.

There is my confession. Forgive me for my sins and my bitchiness.

A little catch up.

 
I was first diagnosed with a molar pregnancy the day after Thanksgiving 2008. They did a D/C the first week of December. My HCG levels were over one million at the time of the D&C. The healthcare team and Group Death Group Health thought that everything would be fine as long as they removed the mole. (which is clumps of placenta with no baby). They were wrong. They were really, really wrong. They continued to monitor my HCG though blood screening and it did not go down. The day after Christmas 2008 I get a call to see an oncologist. They did a CT scan, the molar pregnancy had changed to Gestational Trophlasatic Disease and was now back in my uterus 8inches in diameter, liver, and lungs.

No big deal, I was told. "This is highly treatable." With a shot of methorexate you should be cured in 7-16 weeks. I started the first Tuesday of January 2009- 21 weeks later, the methotrexate stopped working. Time for some bigger chemo. I had a PIC line installed in a very old school fashion way to pump the vein damaging drugs to my heart. The PIC lasted one week. My vein was too small and clamped down on it- the PIC was removed. For the rest of my treatments I was given these toxic chemicals right though my veins. Why did I not get a port? The reasoning was I had only one or two more rounds to go. Eight rounds later and four different treatments and more IV's than I can count I was finally in remission. The last day of that ordeal was Oct 23^rd. 2009. I did finally see a specialist Sept 2009. She was surprised that I had not had an MRI of my brain, as that is where this cancer likes to migrate. Thanks GHC. *sarcasm* If the cancer was in my brain none of the treatments I had been receiving would have even touched it. Thank god that MRI that came back was clean.

I was sick, lost my hair, mouth sores. It was not fun. But I made it and I thought it was done.

I was starting to live my life again. I had anxiety. Trouble around crowds, malls, people that rubbed me the wrong way, I had little tolerance for things that made me anxious. I slowly started to heal. I had beat cancer but I had some deep war wounds. Battle scars. The war that was waged had its casualties. Slowly I started to not worry so much about the cancer coming back, tried relaxing just a little, really getting backing into shape, cycling, swimming, playing with my family and….just when I took a good exhale, my blood labs came back. 5 HCG. Okay I told myself don't get too worked up. But they kept rising each week. Another 5…a 7….an 8…..

I made a request for a specialist at SCCA and started some CT scans. Hello Liver.

That is where you are hiding. So far it seems like GHC will allow me and pay for a specialist to treat me. That I feel better about. I had my Port installed on Friday Aug 6th at 8am and it is a bit sore.

I started chemo Friday also, I am more tired than I remember being last time. More nauseous, and the nausea medication makes me sleepy. The steroids make me cranky, and hungry all the time, and gives me lovely acne. I am vain enough to care that my skin changes to a teenagers – and not in a good way. I am going to work though this chemotherapy also. Only taking the days off I need to do the chemo. I actually really like my chosen profession most days. My employer is a bit cranky this time around about me being gone (all 3 days)…but really, what is she going to do. Not as if I am going to Jamaica.

Over all, my biggest worry is my son. He is more upset than the other kids, and possibly even Gary. He wanted that brother so badly. But no babies are in my future again. After this is all over they will do a full hysterectomy in hopes that this disease will leave me forever. Leaving me to raise my wonderful son. Jonah hates that I will go bald again, but was such a good sport that he dyed his hair blue with me.

This chemotherapy is already making me tired, and unfocused, nauseated. I am quick to temper when I am like this and trying to keep an even head. Patience. I lack patience. My whole family lacks patience.




What we don't lack though is humor. Jonah posing in my wig. 



Laughter is the best medicine. So more blue hair and wigs.